Sathya Sai Baba - "Our Beloved" By: Linda Silk (Received: Feb. 2012)

Written by Ted Henry and Jody Cleary on . Posted in How I came to sai



Sometimes my intuition is right on target… Waking up in my small dorm room with three women sleeping on two cots and a floor mat, and an over-head fan humming the AUM (if I kept my mind silent I could stay in the flow of the Om), I knew that it was going to be a very warm day, typical for this time of year, at Sai Baba’s Ashram in Prashanthi Nilayam, India. Most importantly, I knew today, Oct 10th, 2001, was the day we would be called by Baba for an interview. I got up slowly and quietly so I would not wake my spiritual sisters. Although my heart was pounding with excitement, I was trying to be quiet and also remember in which suitcase my green silk sari was packed. I had worn it in all the other interviews, and wanted to look my very best for My Beloved. Yes, this was going to be a very auspicious day.


When my sister Toni woke up and saw me putting on the green sari, she

smiled and quietly said something like, “Is it interview day”? She knew why

I was putting on the green sari. I smiled and said. “I think so”.

The three of us took great care to look our very best that day. We had discussed with other friends at the ashram that if any of us were called for interview that we

would include each one of us in the number of our group, as so often Baba

will ask how many. We had nine women. Nine was a good number that

day. My intuition served me well.


Of course we had a little Lela when Baba called us in. Because most were

keeping their eyes on every move our Beloved made as he walked through

the temple grounds smiling, talking, blessing, healing, taking devotees’

letters and manifesting Vibhuti, (he had a way of making everyone in His

presence think that He was connecting directly with them), we somehow

missed the cue that he had said, “GO!” to Toni. Yes, we were being called

for an interview. Our sister Toni was standing all alone on the Dais waiting

for us to see her so that we would come forward and be allowed to proceed

into the interview room. It was only when Baba disappeared from sight that

I saw Toni and realized that we were being blessed with His Divine Grace.

YES! an interview today. What will I say? What will he say? How will I

answer the many faceted question (s) He might ask? Would my mind just

go completely blank? My mind was playing monkey- mind, my heart was

beating so loudly that I could hear my pulse. Oh thank you God!


From my past experiences, I knew that every interview was different. Of

course, I was different. Hopefully I was growing stronger on my spiritual

path. As years pass, maturity and awareness happens. At least that is what

I was telling myself as I was walking through the crowd trying not to

step on anyone. As we walked into Baba’s interview room, I realized that

anticipation is not greater than realization. I was telling myself: deep breath,

clear mind, sit gracefully and quietly.” As I looked around at my sisters, I saw

joy, peace and happiness on their faces. We were blissed out. We were

so blessed just to be in the presence of our Lord. As Baba started talking

with us, I noticed a very playful attitude. While there was joy, there was

also much teasing and lots of laughter…so much so that after we left the

interview room, people asked why we were laughing, as they could hear us

out side in the mandir!


It was as if we were sitting at the feet of our Beloved Father who was

teaching His children through love, fun, teasing and laughter. He had notMother-sai

been that way before in other

interviews: there had been a sterner


Baba went around the room paying

attention to each of us, asking about

family, health and other personal

questions. All the while He would

manifest Vibhuti and materialize

special objects for each woman. When

He went to my sister Toni, I saw the

most beautiful diamond ring fall

through the palm of His hand. It was

so big and shinny! As He placed it on

herfinger, my mind immediately

thought, “Oh Baba, I do not want a big

ring.What a responsibility! I am a

simple woman who lives a simple life

and I do not want something so auspicious.” Monkey mind, monkey mind! When

My Beloved came to me; he smiled so sweetly and asked so mischievously

with a twinkle in His eye, “You want ring?” Oh dear, how do you say no to

your beloved?  I giggled out of nervousness but could not say anything out

loud. Again, monkey mind kicked in. My thought was, “Oh Baba, please

don’t make it a big one.” As the ring materialized, I saw that it did not

have a big diamond but three smaller ones. I sighed with relief. As Baba

reached down to place the ring on a finger, I did not know which hand to

present, so I placed both hands together and offered them. As He started

to place the ring on my right middle finger, the ring would not fit. He then

looked so tenderly into my soul and asked with great concern, “How’s

stomach?” I answered quietly, “It’s OK Baba.” My stomach had been giving

me problems, but who could complain when at their Lords feet? He then

said, “No stomach not OK, but Baba will take care of it.” He then pointed

and shook His finger and said, “No more…(monkey mind thought, meat?)

Chilies!”  He was like a father shaking his finger at a misbehaved child.

A gasp was heard throughout the room as everyone there knew that I loved

green chilies and ate them often. I had eaten in the Indian Canteen the day

before and I was quite swollen from eating too much chili-laden food. Baba

gently blew on my finger and the ring and slowly pushed the ring gently on my

finger. It fit! I felt blessed and relieved. Life is good! …. But wait, did I

hear with my monkey mind Baba saying, “Someday I will make you big



Baba then materialized Vibhuti for me. I wanted to save it for a friend who

was very ill. Again he heard my thoughts. He said to me, “This is for you,

take it. I will make more for you to take home for another who is ill.” After

materializing the Vibhuti for her, I had difficulty wrapping it neatly in the

paper he had given me. He then proceeded to wrap it so neatly in the small envelope-style paper in which the Vibhuti sometimes comes. What love and concern our Lord shows for each little detail!


During the interview, someone asked for Padanamaskaras and Baba

replied, “No more padanamaskaras.” We do not need to touch His feet, but

to be equal and hold His hand. As we took turns holding His hand, radiance

and love filled each of us. Holding my Lord's hand was worth more than

any ring would ever be worth. I can still feel in my heart and soul the soft,

loving, enlightening energy that flowed from His being into my body, mind, heart

and spirit. Little did I know that it would be my last opportunity to hold my

Beloved’s hand.


The next morning when I woke and got up, I noticed that the ring was

sliding off my finger. As all the swelling had gone down, my stomach was

settled and the ring was way too big. I made a makeshift necklace with a

chain I had and wore the ring around my neck. After I returned home, I put

the ring on a platinum solid chain without a latch. The ring on the chain fell

right on my heart Chakra. It was so comforting to feel the ring slide back

and forth over my heart, knowing that Baba was there. I wore the ring that

way for about seven years.


One Sunday morning I was leaving my home and realized that the ring

was not there. The chain was still around my neck and without a clasp I

was puzzled how the ring could just disappear. I returned home and spent

a couple of hours searching for the missing ring. I cried and kept asking

Baba to give me clarity. Why did He take the ring? What had I done,

said, or thought that could have been a reason for being punished? God

works in such mysterious ways. Will I ever know the reasoning behind the

rings disappearance?


For a while, every now and then, I would miss the ring. The next few times

I went to the ashram I would wonder if Baba would call us for an interview

and perhaps manifest something to take the place of the missing ring, or

at least provide an explanation. Please my Lord help me understand. The

crowds were getting so large that there seemed little hope of an interview.

I gave up the possibility. I started hoping that just one more close-up

glimpse of my Lord with eye contact would suffice. There were several

times I had inner- view, eye contacts, but not an interview up close and

personal. My last eye contact and inner view came on Dec 27th, 2009;

it seemed to be a soulful look, with a healing connection during those few

moments of eye-to-eye contact with Baba. If I had known then that it would

be my last earthly look into his eyes, I think that I would have lain down

right then and there and cried until I could no longer express any type of

emotion. What if I had been able to see the future at that time? Could I

have been ready to merge with Him at that instance? But leaving the ashram

three days later was like all the other times leaving my Beloved: painful with

sweet sorrow. Oh my Lord, I did not get to hold your hand again this time.


Some time around the first of April 2011, during my morning prayers andBhagawan-trayee

meditation, I felt

overwhelming grief.

Tears came in an

unstoppable rush. I

could not control my

emotions: I did not

understand what was


Was there a tragic

world event about to

happen or a personal

event that was taking

place or was going to take place? Something was wrong, very wrong! I reached

out and grabbed my alter picture of Baba and held it in my arms like a beloved

child, stroking and nurturing it with love and sending Reiki. I kept asking, “Baba

what is wrong? What is this I am feeling? Why am I feeling so much sorrow?”

For the longest time I would not allow myself to admit that there might be

something wrong with My Beloved, but deep in my soul, intuitively, I knew that

there was. I called sister Toni that afternoon and told her my morning Puja

experience. We talked about possibilities, and tried to put our hearts at rest.

Just a few days later, news around the world said Baba was ill and in the Super

Specialty Hospital. Yes, He was very ill. Oh, My Dear Lord!


During the next three weeks, many of the devotees, including myself, were

on an emotional roller coaster. Every day in my prayers I sent love, light,

and Reiki to my beloved Lord. I would ask that His Will be done for both

our and His Highest Good. Even though I, my individual ego, wanted Baba

to stay on the planet forever, I did not want him to suffer. I would pray for

all those who were doctoring Him. (What fate, Karma and Dharma they had!)

Bless them all. They certainly earned their Gold Star during Baba’s hospital stay.

The inevitable came on the twenty-fourth of April, 2011…… two days before my



With His passing, our personal worlds, the planets, and the universes

changed forever. The Avatar had reached the ultimate plateau of the Kali

Yuga. In the blink of an eye we had transformed into the Golden Age.

Through His death, humankind is back on the path to wholeness and non-

separation. There will be Unity, Peace, Love and Enlightenment. Oneness

for all!


Although my spirit knew all this, my ego self was struggling with the seven

stages of grieving. These symptoms include irritable mood, nervousness,

depressed mood, difficulty sleeping, and suicidal thoughts. (I did not have

suicidal thoughts, but wondered why I could not have blessed to leave the

planet with my beloved) I also experienced some of the sub-symptoms:

feeling hopeless, withdrawn, fearful, and loss of interest. Even now, four

months later, some of these symptoms still present themselves. I miss my

physical Baba.


A few days after Baba left His physical body, I was sitting in meditation and

talking with Him. “Oh my Beloved, I know you are here with me in spirit

but I have regrets: I will never see your personal body again; I will never

touch your amazingly soft feet again; I will never hold your hand again. Oh

my Lord, I regret never being able to tell you again how much I love you in

person…. Oh Baba! You will never manifest a ‘bigger ring’ for me!” Oh

dear, where did that thought come from? I had not thought about the ring

for a long, long time. How could I think about a material object at such a

time as this? “My lord, I just want you.” That morning I told Baba, “NoSAI-baba

more boo- hooing: I

will not sit around

crying for you, I will

go forward with

what ever it is you

want me to do.” And

so, life goes on.

And, my Saibrothers

and sisters, so do

the miracles. It is

time to finish this



In the fall of 2010, I received an invitation for the 20th reunion of the Spiritual

Unity of the Tribes Gathering being held in Nambe, New Mexico. Being part

Native American, I have been involved with these Gatherings for many years.

Indigenous peoples all over the world have hosted these Gatherings for over

twenty-five years and I have helped support them. Our theme is always: Unity

among all people, one of Baba’s principles. The minute I read the invitation, I

knew that I would be attending. My thought in actuality was that I must go. I

put it on my busy summer calendar for the following summer in July of 2011.


In July of 2011, I was so happy to be back in New Mexico that I planned

to arrive a few days early to sit up camp, help with last minute details and

socialize with old friends before the crowds arrived. During opening ceremony on

the first day, I was to be one of the speakers. The Gatherings always honor the

Grandmothers and at this point in my life, I am considered one. I knew in

advance that I would be speaking and had decided to make a point of inviting

all nations and colors. There were people from all corners and parts of the world:

native and non-native, educated and non-educated, rich and poor, professional

and non-professional. I am not sure that every religion was represented, but I

do know that the major ones were. Every race and mixed blood one could

imagine was in attendance. We were a well-rounded group of people, all coming

together for peace and unity worldwide.


In the opening ceremony I related the prophecy of Black Elk’s vision of unity. I

also had soil from the four directions and races of colors (yellow, white, black,

and red) to be placed into the sacred fire. My sister Toni brought ash from other

prior Gatherings. (We are allowed to collect the sacred ash after the ceremony is

over and the fire is out. We always bring it to the next Gathering we attend and

offer it back into the new fire.) I had brought sand from Florida, and Toni had

brought Vibhuti that Baba manifested just months before. We put all the soil

and ash into the fire pit. Meanwhile, I told the Gathering people about this

sacred ash from India and a little about Sai Baba. My sister and had I had

always put Vibhuti in the fire before but, had never made an announcement

about it.


After the opening ceremony was over, the crowd under the arbor dispersed

and many were walking to the kitchen to have breakfast together under the

shade. I was hungry and trying to make my way over to the food. Yes,

we were in green chili country- I could smell it… It would not hurt to

look and smell… As I was walking toward the food pavilion, I saw a

young man walking towards me…. actually, I should say, gliding towards

me. It looked like his feet were not quite touching the ground. I thought to

myself, “Here comes an angel.” How wonderful to have his presences here. I

continued walking toward the food, but he called softly to me. “Please wait, I

have something to share with you.” I stopped, and waited, only to be greeted by

the sweetest smile and some of the clearest, bluest and most penetrating eyes

into which I have ever looked. He introduced himself and told me he was from

Seattle. He said that he had a gift for me from Sai Baba, but before he could

give it to me he had to tell his story.


His Baba story went like this: He was sitting on a park bench with a friend

on April 25th, 2011. (Later I realized that it was also April 26th in India,

which is my birthday). He was grieving for Baba and trying to tell his friend

about who Baba was and how important Baba was to him. In telling his

friend about Baba, he relayed how Baba was called a ‘Man of Miracles’ in

that He healed the sick and manifested many things. For a lot of devotees,

He would manifest rings. As he spoke this to his friend, he looked down

and between his feet, on the ground, was a brand new, brilliant gold, large

diamond ring. He picked it up and immediately tried to put it on. It would

not fit any finger on either hand. He then knew that this ring was not for

him. Thinking that it might belong to his friend, he passed it over to him,

but it would not fit. Well, he would find that someone whom it would fit.


After a number of days, he did find a friend whom the ring fit and he gaveSathya sai baba

it to her; however, two days

later, she brought the ring back

to him and said “This is not my

ring, it belongs to someone else”

and returned it to him.

Now, more than three months

later, he said that when he

heard me speaking during

opening ceremony, he knew that

the ring belonged to me. He put

the ring on my finger and it fit

perfectly! I gasped and said, “Oh

my god, how could you give up

anything this beautiful?” He

responded, “I always knew this

ring did not belong to me.” I

started crying and tried to thank

this beautiful soul for a gift that was more than a ring- it was a loving miracle

from my Beloved Lord. Baba had managed to manifest another ring for me

from the unseen world!


My new friend and I walked towards the food pavilion. I really was not

that hungry any more. I was filled with joy, happiness and love. My Baba

was on my finger. Yes, it is a bigger ring, and yes, it is bringing more

responsibility. Perhaps I have grown into a more responsible spiritual being

over the years. I did not shy away from the ring: I accepted it with joy and

happiness. Every time I look at the ring, I see and feel Baba’s love. “Lord

take my hands and let them work incessantly for Thee.” It is also a reminder

that He is still working and manifesting love on the physical plane for us.

~Om Sai Ram~