My journey with Bhagawan Sathya Sai Baba
Whenever I write about Swami (for me He is God) an inner silence fills me; I become increasingly aware of myself and my surroundings. It is as if my senses are reborn, facilitating the reception and search for inspiration in the many aspects of my life. The feeling carries me beyond my ordinary senses, and allows me to feel fully the embrace of life caressing my soul, filling me with a divinely beautiful love.
When He spoke to me for the very first time I was only 6 month old. I had an experience that left me with a feeling that I wanted to leave this world. Wanted to go home to God and I stopped breathing. Then He said to me in a loving and caring voice: Breathe Heidi, Breathe and live my message’
I was very young when I was first aware of God intervening in my life. I was a little over two years old when I first felt in need of asking for His help. Only a little over two years old! At such a young age somehow I knew to ask for His help. I knew that I could ask Him anything.
When Swami came to my home back in 1995 in Denmark I didn’t know it was Him that has been with me since I was 6 months old. But He gave me an experience where I realized it has been Him all those years and it was so overwhelming for me to realize that I was now facing the Divine Lord directly and who has by His Grace and Love helped me since I was a baby. He confirmed that on my very first trip to Him in 1997.
When I look back on the journey so far I am stunned by all the wonderful experiences with Him, all the wonderful unconditional Love flowing back and forth between His and my heart. He has giving me so much and is still doing it. I speak with Him in my heart very often during the day and this journey has not always been easy. I struggled with the Western view of this kind of love towards God and my travels to Swami visiting Him in Prasanthi or in Whitefield was only because He wanted me to come. Because of this divine contact I have with Him in my heart it wasn’t necessary for me to go there, but if swami asked me to come I went. Sometimes He used me as an example in many situations in the Darshan Hall, in the lineup before Darshan, the surgery in His Divine Hospital. He asked me to wear an orange sari and He knew I didn’t wanted to do it, but He ordered me to do it and I did. Every time I wore this unique sari I was placed in the 1. Line and many people marked me telling me that only Swami could wear this color. But Swami gave me so much love every time it happened and the harsh voices around me stopped by what he did for me every time. I only wore the orange sari when he told me to. The fear I had inside because of wearing it, was my upbringing in the western lifestyle, but in my heart I was one with Him.
He helped through many situations in life that will raise the hair in back of your neck. He saved me from death multiply times. He died for me in the Ashram one night when I was close to a heart attack. The feeling that went through me when I heard what He did, can’t describe my love for Him. This connection is beyond words to comprehend.
He also came to my to give me a physical heart massage during the night back in 2003 just before I left for Copenhagen. That was an amazing experience as well.
When He speaks to me I am often on another level, like I am present elsewhere than in the physical life. The trust in Him and His guidance, He helped me to manifest. I was questioned by people in Denmark, because they thought I couldn’t have this kind of connection with this Divine Lord. That was the culture here. So, I cried and was unhappy and struggled with it, because in my heart I was sure of who He was. And for me to visiting Him - I must have been mad. This wasn’t an easy task for me to deal with. But I followed my heart and felt the Love connection in such a way that I overcame this kind of unpleasant remarks from people who couldn’t comprehend who He really is.
To help me through this struggle, He asked me to ask for an interview before visiting Him in 2001. He knew I didn’t wanna asked Him about that. But Swami kept saying: Ask me Heidi, do it! When He finally convinced me to ask Him about it He smiled and said yes, I will give you an interview. This interview removed the marking, the feeling of unhappiness and I felt such a Divine Love wavering in my heart. He confirmed to me the heart to heart connection and He also told me to write books and study material about this inner connection with Him in the spiritual heart.
The first two books ‘Ask God’ published in India and ‘Inner wisdom – A personal narration of my encounters with God in my heart’ published in the US has been written without His name in it. Swami asked me to leave out His name, so that others could read them as well. My 3. book will be about Swami, with His name in it and many of my experiences with Him over the years.
When he came to me in July 2012 I knew it was time to write this book and the study material He had told me to write since 2001. He wants me to teach in the heart to heart connection with Him and He has also giving me the tools to do it. He has been telling me since 1997 to teach and every time He said it I was so humble and told Him that I wasn’t able to do it and He said: You will be ready when it is time. And now the time has arrived.
I will share some of my experiences with Him, so that you can see His Divine Love in action.
Cured from a massive stomach cramps:
I have just been going through a seriously illness with massive stomach cramps after my returning home from India in 2003. It was terrible and in the end, it actually gave me darkness in my eyes. I thought of calling for an ambulance. But instead of reaching for the telephone, I subconsciously reached out for the vibuthi that I had brought back from India I immediately took the doses as prescribed by Swami in my heat. Swami said that I had to rest for an hour after taking this dose of vibuthi. The cramps reduced so much that I was able to sit up and was actually walk around carefully. I knew immediately that the vibuthi had helped me. To that Swami replied: "The holy vibuthi has saved your life. The hospital couldn't have done anything at all for you”. He is the doctor and His vibuthi is the cure.
My son was saved from death
I once was put in a situation where I forced to let go of my motherly bond towards my son. It was a lesson in objectivity. I had to save my son from death. One evening I got a visit from "death", which is God too and I was aware that it concerned my son. He told me to concentrate on my son. I was all ears. I immediately hugged him very closely, but suddenly there came a message from deep within "Let go of him. You have to be objective and not show you fear". I let go of my son and sent him to his room. By now, I was alarmed even more.
I had been permitted to take necessary action as revealed. This was quite in contrast to earlier situations where my role was only to witness and not participate. Well, it is the toughest situation to be objective in.
That evening I put him into bed and made sure in every possible way that everything was fine when I left him and sat down in the living room again. The next evening my son was playing as usual and again I sat down in the sofa watching the news. When my son got tired he said that he wanted to go to bed on his own. I fell asleep in front of the television. Suddenly, I was pulled out of the sofa by a very strong invisible force and immediately I knew that something was terribly wrong.
I was aware of what I had to do without really knowing anything about the emergency. It was now or never. I rushed into my son’s room, grabbed him, shook him up so that he woke up making it possible for me to put my fingers into his mouth and pulled them out quickly. He mumbled in his sleep ‘what are you doing mom?’ and I told him to go back to sleep and that everything was alright now.
When I walked out the door of the room, I opened my palm to find a large piece of chewing gum that would have, without a doubt, choked him during the night. Looking at the size, a shiver ran down my spine. I knew that this was the reason why I had to be acting objectively. I didn't have to think about the situation or act differently, go into panic or whatever, because I was completely "controlled". I was aware about my role in the situation without knowing what had to be removed from his mouth. I just knew what to do. What an experience. Only by the Lord’s Grace, I was able to act in a way He wanted me to.
Some years ago in Naestved, Denmark
Some years ago before I moved to Copenhagen, I experienced help from Swami that was amazing. I woke up in the middle of the night because someone was pushing me down on my bed very hard. It was as if there were two hands on my chest pushing me down. I was scared to even open my eyes. I felt a terrible pain in my chest and I could hardly breathe. Who was it? My young son was not capable of this. Whoever it was, he kept on pushing me downwards and I was really scared now. Finally, I opened my eyes but there was no one. But it still continued. Only then did I realize that it was God giving me cardiac massage. My heart had stopped and He was helping me thought it so that I could survive the attack. What an amazing experience it was! Swami’s help in Denmark is proof that He is present everywhere. This was one of the many times He saved my life.
Once, when I was flying home from India, I learned the true significance of the power of the prayer. If we pray with our hearts filled with love, He will hear us.
I flew together with another person and we were discussing this and that. Suddenly the aeroplane started shaking violently and both of us started chanting a prayer of protection.
In my heart, I sincerely wished that I would be able to see the effect of the protection prayer, because I have learned to use it every time I am going travelling etc. So I prayed for the protection of the entire plane and all its passengers. Before boarding an aeroplane I usually say this prayer. I have always been curious as to its functionality in use and therefore, I have always hoped to witness this one fine day.
The aeroplane was really shaking violently and we both agreed that it had to stop since it felt really unpleasant. So we started praying again. Originally the prayer was in Sanskrit
. I greet God every morning with this prayer and again at night. With this prayer I thank Him for the help that I receive during the day. After this I lay my body in His hands as I return to Him.
But back to the aeroplane. Finally I saw a giant thick golden beam come from my heart. The beam formed a thick tight rope of love and it passed out into both sides of the aeroplane and above it. Outside God was walking beside the aeroplane. He grabbed the thick golden rope and held it tight. He carried the plane all the way back to Denmark. It was completely awesome to experience. Beautiful! Fantastic! The power of prayer is very strong.
After a long and wonderful day spent together with thousands of spiritually minded people from all over the world, I went to bed at nine o'clock tired and filled with beautiful energy and that night I slept like a rock. As I arrive at my usual “pilgrimage”, I usually take a couple of days to adjust to the intense energy around this particular place. That night it was no problem.
I woke without my alarm clock very early in the morning. The reason for this early wakening was a song of love in my heart. And hereby I mean singing – with words and music accompanying them. The heart was singing a very beautiful song “Lord God within my heart, Lord God within” repeating this line a number of times. If I tried to actually say something with my mouth, nothing came out, because the intense energy in my heart “stopped” my speech. I had to lie down again and simply enjoy the beautiful song. It was the most satisfactory feeling I have ever felt in my heart – ever since my contact with God in my heart had become a reality for me. To experience my singing heart, without having to do anything on a physical level was a proof of His presence in my heart. Again I was filled with the realization that I was able to gather help and inspiration from my inner, spiritual universe at all times.
Another unique experience concerns a time when I felt God's presence physically after I had dreamt a dream about Him. This experience marked me, but also showed me the path I had to follow.
In my dream, I was with a friend of mine. We were dressed in saris, the local dress which I am always wearing when I am in India. This friend of mine and I have both been in India together.
We arrived at a plateau which was made from marble. It was a nice and cool place. It reminded me of the palaces of Ancient Rome, and also resembled Ancient Greece a lot. The columns holding the ceiling was made from fine marble and exquisitely decorated. I went to look at the view. In front of me was a little wall which separated the place I was standing on the plateau. In front of me I could see a very beautiful ocean bathed in the blinding white energy beams of the sun. The ocean was very calm with only very little wavy movements – not real waves. It was God's ocean and God's light.
Suddenly, God was standing by my side and pointed at my place. Before, I went to the wall, my friend left me to go to another place. By showing me a cigarette in her hand she stated that her job helping people was of a more mundane character. She helps with natural healing medicine, and she is a wonderful person filled with love. She has her own shop selling nature's own medicine products and she has worked hard for this shop.
I was shown to a place on a bench which was made from marble and was stretching all around a giant marble column. On the bench sat some very learned persons. Amongst them was an empty spot for me. On each side of my place sat a lady and a man and they both welcomed me on the bench. In front of me – at my place was a book which was open and which was showing something written which I have been contemplating to this very moment. It said: Maha …. Laksmi
. I was and I still am deeply honoured by this gesture. I was overwhelmed as I sat on the bench. Suddenly, I received an inner message to rise and go to the other side of the plateau. From here, I was able to overlook a large room filled with young people drinking, smoking and playing loud music. He said: “This is your job”. I was speechless. What an assignment! All these people. Was I going to teach them ancient wisdom? Right away I told God that I was not able to do this. But all He answered was: “You will be at the right time.”
So I sat back on the bench. God came to me and sat on my lap – looking me deep in the eyes. His inner wisdom bubbled up. I just knew that this was true. My inner wisdom had just grown and grown on me for the last nine years. I had really been nurtured. I knew that I could draw on His knowledge. This knowledge and experience which I was meant to mediate. He sat very heavily on my lap looked me in the eyes intensely. He sat there to tell me that His wisdom is deep inside me and that I am able to be inspired from it. All I have to do is to reach for it. I woke up the next morning with a strong pain in my legs where He had been sitting. It was not a dream. It was a reality. God had been with me again.
Another experience was when I had to help find a retarded boy in Denmark because he had gone missing.
One night a family from India/Sri Lanka came to me to ask for my help in finding their oldest son who was retarded. He had left their home to go visit a friend and he had not returned home. Apparently he had suddenly lost his sense of direction on his way to the friend and he had wandered off somewhere. Nobody knew where he had gone. His family members were desperate and very miserable. They came to me and I offered my help. I went with them to their home. More people had gathered to help search. Some had to stay at home by the phone in case the police were going to call with information. Firstly it was a Danish girl who talked to the police and then I took over the phone. I had brought my cell phone so I was able to contact the daughter of the family who had remained at home when the rest of us left.
We were a group of 5-6 persons. Now and again we had to split up to search in different directions to find him. The police had received a hint that he was maybe in an inhabited area far away from his home, because they had received a denouncement of a young, dark man who wandered around asking for food and something to drink. He was in one of the more rough areas of the city.
It was late. Everybody was tired and freezing. Most of all I was thinking about the young man. He is a tiny thin young man and I just knew that he would be terribly cold. As long as he does not lie down somewhere outside to sleep, I thought. Because then he would really be in trouble. I feared that he might have wandered out on the fields behind the inhabited area. This was a very large area and since his skin was dark, it would be like searching for a pin in a haystack to try to find him in that area. We walked around in small groups but so far we had had no luck in finding him.
We were getting pretty desperate. We returned to the home of the family. Maybe he had shown himself there in the meantime. But no. I talked to the police again and informed them of the status of our search. Then we went back to search again. We searched and looked and the clock was getting close to midnight. It was freezing cold. The police were extremely busy in the town centre with drunkards and street rows because it was a Saturday night. So we were all alone with our search.
We looked at each other and we felt almost like crying. It seemed completely hopeless to find him. Some of us were talking about going home and leave the search to the police but I said clearly no to this suggestion. The police had no time to do anything and he would freeze to death if we did not find him. They looked at me and then we jumped into the car again and drove around the neighbourhood. In the end I prayed to God: “Dear God – you have to help us find this young man. The police have not got the time and his time is running out. Help us find him, dear God. I pray for your help. And then He answered me: I will help you. “And in that very moment He showed himself as a beam of light which shot out of nowhere and almost marked a path through the area for me. I yelled out immediately: “Stop the car! I have to get out here.” The family knew me and knew about my inner contact and the father activated the break immediately and I jumped out of the car and ran as fast as lightning in the direction God had shown me. Right after me followed the young man's mother. She asked if I could feel something and I just said “yes” and ran along. Normally, I do not run and if I run I do not run very fast, since I have become rather over weight. However, this day my legs did not care much about my over weight and I felt a power inside which led me on.
I came to the end of the light beam – and I was right! I was at the open fields behind the inhabited area. And it was a pitch dark night. It was impossible to see very far in the dark but I had a feeling that I had to keep standing where I was. Then my lungs filled with an enormous power and I “roared” his name out in the dark. To begin with we were met with complete silence – everybody stood there and listened for any sound at all. But there was nothing – nothing but complete silence. I wanted to take a step forward but God held me back and again I was overpowered and I “roared” even louder this time. And finally! Just a few feet away from us the sound of a weak voice responded to the call for his name. It felt as all tension was released at that very moment – tension, anxiety, tears and joy overwhelmed us all. We all ran in the direction from where the voice came and then we found him – exhausted and very tired he rose to his legs. He had found a play house on the school playground and lied down to sleep. The playground was actually bordering the open fields. Do I have to describe the joyous scenes that followed? We laughed, cried and embraced him – all at the same time.
The family was deeply grateful. I called the police and told them that we had found him. Afterwards, we sat for a long time in the family's living room and talked it over again and again and again we talked about God and the contact I have with him in my heart. We found him with help from God. Again I was only God's instrument in the job.
It is not always I know where He wants me to go, but He always leads me to the places where I am needed.
Another incident where He interfered with my life was once I was with a friend and walked by the sea to enjoy the soothing sounds of the waves and to have some fresh air. A storm was forming in the horizon and we could hear thunder far, far away. We were at the sea, so we both knew that the only wise thing to do would be to walk back to the car.
We walked at a quiet pace and suddenly I saw God. He walked with his feet on the ground, however with his head in the sky and pushed the skies in front of him. Lightning started to appear. He was pushing the skies away from us. He turned around to us and said: “Find a secure place now.” He said it with such graveness that it left no room for doubt. We ran to find a shed that might offer shelter from the rain and He kept pushing the skies with the lightning away from the shed. The shed was almost like a long roof – as long as the roof of the house which was just on the opposite side. We kept standing there, talking to each other about our experience. My friend had felt Him just as clearly as when He talks to me, so it was an exciting situation in which we found ourselves. We were able to share the experience.
Suddenly, the storm came to a temporary halt and we wondered if we should go to the car, but He said a quick and firm no. “It is not over yet”, He said, so we kept standing and of course he had been right. Soon the storm roared again. Finally, He said: “Now. Go now and hurry up as much as you can. Run to the car for safety. We ran as fast as we could. My friend stopped for a moment to overlook the sea and immediately he ordered again: “Keep moving!” And then we ran the rest of the way to the car. When we were safe inside the car, the storm reappeared. But now we were safe from the lightning and God “disappeared”.
However, it had been awesome to see Him walking in front of us pushing the skies away from us to protect us from the lightning. He was truly wonderful. From the bottom of my heart, I thanked Him for His help.
One day a woman was visited me. She had just returned home from India and she was telling me all about the interesting adventures she had experienced during her stay there when I was suddenly interrupted in the middle of our conversation by an urging feeling that something was calling for my help. I interrupted our conversation immediately and rose to my feet saying: “My son needs me. He is out playing. I have to go now.” “Of course”, she responded surprised by this interruption. I raced down the stairs because inside me I felt my son calling for my help.
I felt the energy inside me controlling my path around the buildings. I had no idea where he was but suddenly the energy inside me stopped and thus, I stopped. In front of me I did not see any children. Then I looked through the glass door to the stairway of the building where God had stopped my path and there he was. There he was, my son. He was standing on the railing, balancing with his hands in the air holding on to the bottom of the railing of the next staircase. He was not able to climb down on his own. He was abandoned. The children he had been playing with had just laughed at him and then left him there to go out and play again. They had not bothered to help him down. He was miserable and he had started yelling for me. This was the signal I had been intercepting.
If he had let go of his grip he would have fallen down the stairs to the basement. It would have meant catastrophe. Therefore, my son held desperately on to the railing above his head. He was so happy to see me and he just screamed: “Mum”. And then the tears started rolling down his cheeks. Quickly I helped him down and held him close to me. He was shaking all over. When he had recovered a little he looked up at me and said: “How did you know, mum? How did you do that? How did you know where I was and that I was in need of your help?” Without hesitance I answered: “God showed me the way to you”. This was the exact moment where my son realized that God actually exists even though he really had known before this incident as well. But this gave him physical evidence of God's help and how it works in the real world. “Is that so Mum? he said. “Now I also have to learn to pray for His help.”
With my following incident I revert to the accident that really freaked me out. As I have mentioned, I am terrified of planes and flying, and what I am about to tell you, took place in an aeroplane 11.500 metres high in the sky.
The experience took place at a time where I had become seriously ill in India and during my flight home to Denmark I had to run back and forth from my seat to the lavatory. I was really not well. We were flying from Bombay (Mumbai) and we had been in the air for approx. 4 hours when an unusual feeling suddenly radiated through me. I felt a surge of fear in my stomach – it was an extreme sense of fear. An inferno of voices sounded in my head. I sat in this plane where I had put myself – looking around me upset; nevertheless, everything around me was peaceful and quiet. Nobody rolled over each other in fear. People were having a good time. I realized that I was the only witness to something really horrible right now – as if it was a message from the spiritual world. I felt the feeling of fear that we were going to crash but again I looked around the plane and everything was quiet. Was this something that was about to happen or what was going on?
My thoughts were in a mess and at the same time I was running back and forth between my seat and the lavatory. Each time I sat down, these feelings came to me more and more clearly. Nevertheless, when I asked inside about the situation of our aeroplane the answer was a clear no. This had nothing to do with our plane. It was another plane. Oh my God, I thought. Oh my goodness! What was it He was saying? “Another plane?” “No”, I thought. “I must not let this happen”. At this time I clearly heard two voices that were transmitted together with all the other panicking voices in my head. They were Danish. It was a woman and a man. It was as if the woman sat at my ear and told me what was happening. And suddenly the woman said: “Oh no – we are going to crash into the cliff”. There were screaming and then … all of a sudden a deep silence. Peace. A void. Nothing. Then I received the death toll.
I was shaking all over my body. Who were the two Danes? Which flight was this? Where had the accident occurred? I had actually just witnessed a plane crash! And I actually scolded God. He knew that I could not handle plane accidents and least of all witness them. But He shook his head and said: “You have to be able to handle these kinds of accidents. They will take place, regardless. But look at death, with another substance and see the beauty that they have been allowed to return to their home again. In your eyes it was an unpleasant way to die, but it was over in a very short time. You have to learn to see the positive aspects of death and not only the grief that you humans are so addicted to. You have to learn to let go of your feelings and learn to see the many facets of death. Because in all parts of the world people die – one way or the other. They return home to receive new tasks. When you learn to be objective you will be able to see the coherence – and not before. Death is not always as violent, however, this time it was – to you at least. You have to learn to let go of your attachment to life and learn to look differently at death – even in the situations that are ugly in your eyes”.
I was counting on the fact that I would soon find out the truth behind this awful experience and His words. Soon I was about to receive my affirmation.
We had an intermediate stop in Frankfurt before our arrival in Copenhagen. Our group had to remain seated in the plane. The air hostesses were busy cleaning the air plane and one of them brought today's newspapers. One of the newspapers was thrown on the seat right next to me with the front page up. I froze completely and my blood was cold in my veins. There was a picture of the plane crash and with the exact number of deaths that I had “received” at the time of the crash. It was an aeroplane from Taiwan that had hit a cliff. Right there was the physical evidence of my experience. Do you think that made me less frightened of flying? I still live with my fear of planes and flying. I have scolded God several times because of this incident. It was very educational, nevertheless, really nasty to me.
To finalize this tough incident let me tell you that a few years later I was going for a visit at the home of my work colleague. During this visit, I told her of my experience. She fell completely silent. Then she exclaimed: “These two Danes were the mother and the father of a family that lives very close to here.” And she knew both of them. Nothing happens for any reason. Furthermore, this was confirmed to her that what I had experienced was the truth.
To “witness” a murder is also really horrid. To have to live through what the victim lived through. It has happened several times. Or when a little boy disappeared without a trace in Copenhagen and I “found” him. These are aspects of my spiritual development that I would rather be without. But apparently they are part of my development.
First there was the 5-6 year old boy that was killed by several stabs of a knife in Denmark quite a few years ago. I was deeply touched by this tragedy and plainly cried over the fact that some people possessed such cruelty. An innocent little boy. What could he have done wrong except maybe he had annoyed his stepfather? I wanted to know if he had suffered from any of these cruel stabs. The man must have done this terrible deed suffering from a fit of lunacy. The little body was stabbed with approx 30 knife stabs. I “saw” the boy at my home and he started to describe what had happened to him. The first stab of the knife had killed the boy since it had penetrated straight through his heart. And he did not suffer.
I cried for a long time after this.
Another incident concerned a two year old boy in Copenhagen. This I had heard about from a work colleague and immediately I initiated my “bearing”. I looked for the boy through a level of visions. Suddenly, I was right beside him. I watched him as he lay quietly and looked up. I wanted to see what he was watching. The light seemed oddly glass-like but with slight movement. Oh God, I thought. You drowned – it is too late.
I told my work colleague about this. She only remarked: “Heidi – you have a very vivid imagination,” and laughed a little. Later when the fire department found the boy on the bottom of a lake in Copenhagen there was no more: “Heidi – you have a vivid imagination”. Now it was: “How do you do it?” She was rather frightened.
I have experienced deaths where I had no chance to interfere. For example in connection with a baby dying in its sleep – cradle death. In my dream I screamed and yelled: “Wake up” countless times to the parents of the baby. “Please hear me – wake up!” …., however, I screamed and screamed with no reaction. I woke up soaked in sweat and cried. I went to work and then received the message that my boss's grandchild had died in his sleep that night. I had to leave the room to go out and cry. This was the final call for me. I contacted a healer who had visions. He helped me get over these visions and he told me that I was at a place in my development that required a lot of my psyche but he was able to help me getting through this. He had experienced this for himself and he knew what I needed. He is one of the best healers in the country.
This was some of my experiences with Him.
I am happy when He intervenes in my life. He leaves me with a feeling that I am truly alive. His Prema, The Ultimate All-encompassing Love, in its incredibly beautiful, clean and pure form, is definitely within the reach of all of us.
Thank you Dear Lord Sai for being there for me.
I take this opportunity to thank you dear Sir for your amazing and humble work you do. It touches me heart and soul to watch all the wonderful videos that has been made so far.
With humble respect,
Jai sai ram
Heidi Elisabeth Hansen
Received. November 2012